Now Taking Applications

(brush, brush, brush, dust, dust, dust)...Excuse the cobwebs from the last three months. Ya know, I have a love hate relationship with this blog. On one hand it's therapeutic to write and also comedic (um hello, Ali Wong and Jo Koy - if you need an opening act, I'm available). But on the other hand, it's also a painful reminder that I've been single for five years and have had some awful experiences and have been losing hope that I'll ever find someone. But I also know that, you my dear readers, also come to me in confidence often with your own painful or funny stories or seeking advice because it's relatable. So I"m happy to help others always. Just call me a healer yo.

But after telling my sister and a few close friends some stories, it was an unanimous decision to resurrect the blog (again). The last year or so, I've had numerous relationships, or what I would really call "situationships" because A. they all seem to last no more than two months (I guess I'm just an oil change at this point) and B. they never get past a certain point - I don't call any of these men my "boyfriend," there's no social media posts showing us as a couple, it's that weird limbo phase from dating to actual relationship.

Unfortunately, the last go round was really hush hush because it gets to the point I don't really even want to tell anyone I'm dating someone because if it ends, it's just another failed relationship to add to my list and it's embarrassing. The last one hurt. Bad. I hadn't really liked someone like this in a very, long time. I also hadn't met someone in a long time that I actually felt real potential with. Unfortunately, he had a family crisis and that became his priortity, and it was completely understandable. But it still hurt when he ended it. I was definitely heartbroken. And still am.

So I can either sulk. Or I can make light of my situation. After consoling with my friend Betty Spaghetti, we decided the latter of the two and hence leads me to the main point of this post.

NOW TAKING APPLICATIONS!!!

Are you a male over the age of 40? Single? Ready to mingle? Not looking for a commitment past two months? Then you've come to the right place!

Single mom to one, pushing 48, seeks her next two month situationship. Witty, charming, funny, pretty cute, sometimes an asshole, will demand you go see live music with her and bring her ice coffee. In return, you get companionship for two months.

Requirements:

• Must be single. Not separated. Not wanting a divorce. Not in an open relationship.

• Be available, about once a week to hang out.

• Must love live music and want to go see it.

• Be a good listener because I don't shut the hell up.

• Be willing to initiate "good morning" texts daily because I won't.

• Also, "good night" texts will be expected.

• Occasional phone conversations.

• Able to tell me I'm pretty daily.

• Must be employed.

Preferred but not required:

• The occasional cupcake delivery

• Tattooed

• Bearded

• Bald

• Good dresser

• Pumas > Vans (but Vans are acceptable to all other sneakers)

The following time frames are open. Please indicate which months are your preference.

April / May - Please note Easter and Mother's Day fall during this time. You will be expected to attend family functions and acknowledge Mother's Day (even tho I'm not yo mama or yo baby's mama). Memorial Day will close out this time frame but you will be expected to party "down the shore" and see every NJ cover band playing that weekend with me.

June / July - Serious inquires only for this time frame as my birthday falls in June and it's a big deal. I prefer flowers (no red roses - EVER) and a small thoughtful gift (think something music related or Jane Austen) and perhaps a nice dinner out. 4th of July also occurs and BBQ attendance will be required.

August / September - Lots of beach weekends will be expected followed by nights at tiki bars seeing live music. Followed by Labor Day festivities.

October / November - You will be expected to attend Halloween festivities (including dressing up), doing basic bitch stuff like apple and pumpkin picking and fire pits, and participating in Thanksgiving with the family.

December - NO applications will be accepted for the month of December because I'm not buying anyone's son a Christmas gift.

Please submit your application by March 31 with three references, including one former wife/girlfriend/lover and one from a parent. All applications will be reviewed and only final candidates will be contacted for phone and virtual interviews.

Thank you for your interest in dating Cha Cha Cherry.

#dating #datingover40 #saltygirldating #singlemom #singlegirl #datingblog