Chef Meow

God, it was even funny to write that headline. Although Chef Meow only got one date, dang it was memorable and worth writing about. But not the actual date. The AFTERmath.

Ok, quick summary. I matched with Chef Meow on FuckingBumble. He was moderately attractive, but I liked what he had to say and he was a chef (bonus points since I'm a foodie), had loads of tattoos and also had great taste in music.

We chatted for a few days and he seemed really nice and sweet and could hold a conversation.

There were four things holding me back a little:

1. Distance - He lived over an hour away. Gas money is expensive yo.

2. Fitness - Listen I fucking loathe the gym but I force myself to go up to 6 days a week most of the time. Health is important to me and I want someone who feels the same way.

3. Attraction - Like I said, his pics he wasn't the best looking guy I've matched with but anyone will tell you, I've dated some questionable looking men who I saw something in (they all ended up being as ugly on the inside eventually) and I figured if we get along the attraction can build.

4. Cats - Did I mention I don't like cats? (sorry my feline loving friends). If I was still on the apps, I would know better now (because this is legit the second time this has happened to me), if they mention their love of cats more than once it's a dang red flag for me.

We went out to dinner, had good convo, he was cuter in person than pics but still wasn't sure if I was attracted to him, and clearly fitness was not a priority to him. He was just average build, and admitted he did not work out at all but would be interested in it (ok that's a good start). But honestly, I'm not saying meatheads to the front of the line but I don't want to feel like I'm bigger and stronger than a guy I'm dating and I'm only 4'11. And I'm pretty sure I could bench him.

Did I mention I don't like cats? Oh yea I did. This is kinda where I'm like this is probably not gonna work. I flat out tell him I really am not a cat fan. And he asks if I would be mean to his cat. I said no but I don't want to be around it and I"m not gonna play with it. I also am allergic to most cats. He was offended that I would not play with his "son." Oh he then proceeded to show me this giant tattoo on his leg of his other two cats his ex-wife had "custody" of. Um ok.

But you know what? You're kinda cute, sweet and funny and you can cook like a rockstar so I'm not gonna rule you out yet you crazy cat lover. I mention I *may* be free the next night but I had plans with my cousins and maybe if they fell through we could meet up again. He was interested.

The night was long, I was tired and I had to work the next day. Next day, not a lot of texting as I was busy at work but I did mention to him multiple times I was cranky and exhausted and needed a nap.

I didn't mention hanging out because I knew it wasn't gonna happen with him or my cousins because I was BEAT. I got home from work and was about to crash for a power nap when he texted to see if we were hanging out or not. I said I'm really sorry, I'm so tired I need a nap and told him I wasn't even going out with my cousins.

And that's when things went a little cat crazy. He went off on me because I didn't mention to him anything during the day about hanging out. I said well neither did you? And he accused me of being cranky because he "called me out on it." Dude RELAX. He told he doesn't play these "games." I had offered to call him and explain how I was tired and needed a nap and apologize for being cranky.

His response: You clearly can not take accountability for your actions and I definitely would not want to be with someone like you. I know your type. The conversation would have been one sided. Your the type of woman that always gets her way and I just beat you to it. Which made you mad. LOL. Fucking sucks right? This time you deserved it. You're just like the rest.

LOLOLOLOLOL I CAN'T EVEN WITH THIS. I said ok whatever, good luck. Because now I can't even contain my laughter over this nonsense. We didn't have clear plans. I didn't ghost him or stand him up. Simply told him our VERY tentative plans weren't happening because I was fucking tired and needed to nap.

Who hurt you boo? Clearly Chef Meow has been hurt many times (including a cheating ex-wife) and he was just waiting to pounce on me (haha I couldn't resist) to use his tiny cat claws to tear me apart and think he was gonna hurt my feelings.

No little boy. You clearly have issues and should seek therapy to deal with your relationship trauma and communication skills.

Meow.