The Pen Pal

I bet 100% if you have tried online dating, whether you are a man or woman, you have been faced with this dilemma. You swipe yes on someone who catches your attention, you start chatting, heck - you may even move the convo over to texting. But...YOU. NEVER. MEET. UP.

You become essentially pen pals. Isn't the point of online dating to actually date? Meet up in real life? I usually have a one week rule. If I'm putting any sort of energy into messaging someone daily for a week getting to know them, it's time to meet up (of course pending schedule). I don't want to go on for weeks and weeks messaging someone and never meet up. WHAT IS THE POINT?

Case in point...

Let me introduce you to Dr. Cop. Say what? He's a cop pursuing his PhD in criminal justice. We meet over two weeks ago on a dating app. We immediately hit it off and were messaging each other back and forth. Within a few days we moved it over to text. We were texting every day. And we both made it clear we wanted to hang out and meet in person. But he has a rough schedule. He often works nights, is taking classes for his PhD and taking some other classes related to work.

So the first time I mentioned hanging out, I gave him a free night I had (this was a week and a half ago). He kinda didn't respond and moved on with the convo. The next time I was out with a friend having dinner and drinks and suggested he meet us up for a drink. He "didn't want to intrude." Ok I get it.

Then, I don't hear from him for five days after that. I can only assume he lost interest and ghosted me. After three days, I unmatched with him on the app. Then on day 5 I heard from him and he said he was working a lot and he didn't want me to think he ghosted me. Ok, fair enough. I told him that's what I thought happened, especially after technically asking him to hang out twice and he didn't seem interested. He assured me he was and he did want to meet up. So I said when? And he kind of skirted the issue. AGAIN.

Later the same day, I asked him in the early evening to meet up for a drink. Four hours later, he told me he fell asleep. Okkkkkk...this is getting old and we are coming up on three weeks of being pen pals. But there are a few factors to consider....

1. I am aware he has a very different work schedule than mine coupled with taking multiple in-person classes AND being a dad to three teenagers.

2. I became privy to some info about his past that he is not aware I am aware of. Nothing bad about him but something that could impact why he is being slow and cautious. And I am trying to be very sensitive and patient to that. It's actually pretty heart-breaking.

3. He admitted he is an alpha male so he may not like the fact that I've been asking him out.

So I ask dear readers (in my best Lady Whistledown voice)...

What would you do in this situation?

Do you ask him out again?

Do I wait for him to make plans and ask me out?

Do I set a time to limit to say ok enough is enough, if you don't want to meet up, this is clearly going no where?

Share your thoughts please! I will also mention, I see potential with Dr. Cop. He's handsome, smart (obviously), a good dad and has his shit together. We get along very well and he is more obsessed with Star Wars than me.

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